How to get in trouble

This is how I'm feeling right NOW! (picture taken by 3yo)

Having friends that are phenomenal athletes who are also highly motivated and thrive on looking for adventure are great motivational aids to have in your life to help get out for an early morning run before work or the ocassional weekend foray into the local national park but on ocassion I receive a text message which leads to something a little more.

In this case the key player in this scenario is SLEEP TRAIN and goes something like this...

ST:  Record attempt scheduled for next Saturday 18 September. I can only promise pain not completion, safety or victory, YOU IN? 17 hours is current record.

ME: I'll check my wife's schedule to check whether she has any clients due to give birth and get back to you. Shit I'd better ramp up the training. Long run tmrw then!

ME: Do we have a plan to break 17 hours? Is there info on the web? Any reports, maps, etc?

ME: What gear do we need?

ST: Sub 17 is the SOLE PURPOSE. Gear as per TNF100 minus a few things, but you will need your own map and know how to use a compass.

ME: So should I practice running up and down insanely steep hills with no idea of where I'm heading while randomly screaming your name?

ME: Or cursing your name!?!

ME (must have been a more positive mood): Sounds like fun. Luckily I had already started secret training to have a go at (removed information to protect the insane)

ME: Think I'm all clear for the 18th. Have you found any other suckers? Oops I meant participants?

ME: some random BS text about all the training I've put in to get ready for this operation. Thinking about upcoming training will hopefully have a placebo effect on my cardiovascular fitness and hill-climbing strength and turn me into a mountain goat.

ST: How you feeling for next Sat?

ME: Feeling sick just thinking about it!

ST: Yep it will be one tough day.

Discovered on morning run that there were no other takers for this challenge. It appears no one is talking to ST after the last BMMC weekend away. Fear grows!

ME: Have the day in the calendar but feel far from ready. YOU READY? Might have broken a bone in my foot kicking one of the kids toys. Test run on Monday.

ST: Make sure you have a map and compass, plus a basic survival kit. This time next week we may hold the record.

ME: Or I'll be in hospital. What maps do I need?

ST: Responds with maps needed. Asks about training.

ME: Will do. Nothing for me (my wife) was away.

ST: Are you ready for the toughest part of your life tomorrow? Lets meet at 345am at my place for 430am start...

ME: I was trying to think up ways out of it but now keen. My love of the Australian bush has been aided by the infected tick bites I scored from the weekend.


Sitting here with only 12 hours away from go time this is the sort of internal dialogue that is playing along in my mind.

MIND: You know you can do this. You've gone long before and been described as an endurance beast.

BODY: WHAT THE F*CK WOULD YOU KNOW? I do all the work out there on the trails when you just want to give up, go home, crawl into the fetal position and suck your thumb. Your legs and cardiovascular fitness are not ready for such an undertaking. We've also gotten fat since last time you put us through big training weeks before the TNF100. We told you to stop eating now that your done. Why don't you listen to all the stomach aches, bloating and post-carb feeding energy crashes that we have signalled your way.

MIND: But I thought when I was tired I needed more food and caffeine to top up my energy stores to get me through the day.

BODY: YOU THOUGHT WHAT? You stupid f*ck! You actually need to eat less and sleep more. STOP trying to overstimulate your adrenals and get some friggin rest.

MIND: If only you ran more and left me to do the work we'd have less problems. Now stop talking and get ready to go tomorrow. Besides I've loaded the pack up with lots of fruit, dates, dried figs, apricots, baked sweet potato and some other healthy snacks. We should be able to get all the water we need from the four water crossings that are along the way.

BODY: WHAT THE F*CK BRO. I WANT INSTANT CALORIES. YOU KNOW CHOCOLATE, ENERGY GELS AND BARS, LOLLIES, COKE, SPORTS DRINK. WE'RE TALKING SURVIVAL OUT THERE YOU F*CKING HIPPY!

MIND: OK settle, I'll pack some chocolate and an energy bar or two just in case.

BODY: Thanks!!

Time to rest...